Never Good Enough

Atelophobia, this shit sounds like a fucking sickness. I think I might have it. I'm always thinking I'll never be good enough and I think that's the reason for my lack of motivation sometimes. Today my dad got mad because I was texting and he said I son't do things around the house. I had barely sat down after cleaning the kitchen and he was like "I know you do stuff around the house, but you need to do more." I know I'll never be good enough for my dad. I'm not his perfect, hardworking, straight A's student, daughter. I never will be. I think I've just kind of gotten used to the fact that i will probably never be good enough for him. In fact, I don't think I'm good enough for my family. My friends either. I honestly don't think I'm a good friend. I mean I've got loyalty down. That's the easiest part, because it's the only thing I would expect from a friend. But I always forget birthdays, and I suck at keeping up with their problems. I'm not a good enough sister, I know my sister Valeria feels excluded or even hated sometimes and i just don't know how to fix the way I act around her. I can't even be a good enough girlfriend. I'm not drama free. I'm certainly not pretty enough, my boobs are too big, my torso is too small, and my butt, its just a butt, nothing extraordinary, except for my 4'11 shortness. I kind of always just push that shit to the back of my mind. Like when I'm eating, and I know it's going to make me fatter. I try not to think about the fact that this will make me gain wait, or even worse, I will never have the perfect body so why worry right? With my dad, the way I make myself feel better about the fact that I'll never be good enough is that I kind of convince myself that I don't want to be his perfect daughter. That I'll never be able to be a straight A's student so why the fuck try. I tell myself that there is no perfection so why bother reaching it.