ADD?

ADD. i fucking hate those 3 letters put together. Ever since this summer, when I was "diagnosed". My whole life I have felt different, like something was kind of off in me. Nobody ever really thought it was ADD because, well I'm not really hyper, so everybody would just say i was really smart. I never really believed them because a smart person wouldn't have the stupid problems I have. Teachers would be like "oh she's very bright, has potential, she's gifted, blah blah blah..." but I always feel so stupid. I forget the important things and I remember the unimportant ones.  It's like so much bullshit is going through my mind that i just kind of like shut down sometimes. I get so frustrated with myself and so stressed i just shut down and decide not to care. And it frustrates me even more that my dad doesn't understand. He'll be like "How do you forget your hw?" and it's like "Gee dad I FUCKING WISH I KNEW." I just shut down. I have something due tomorrow and I'm already stressed (god knows why) so i just shut down and push it away and not care. Same as i do with my Quinceanera, same as I seem to do with everything else. It's so fucking stupid, I feel so fucking stupid all the time. I can't get normal things done that normal people do. If i talked about everything going on in my mind at the time you would think I'm crazy, or fucked up or something. I still do it sometimes though. Sometimes I blurt out things or just say shit straight up without thinking about it. sometimes I even do think about it but by the time I'm doing it, I already forgot what I thought about it. Even right now, or before, when I write my posts it's like I have so much shit jumbled up I can't even get it straight. It's like having thoughts in your head, all these thoughts in like a watter bottle, and they are all trying to get out of the opening at the same time. Like..idk..........bottleneck thoughts? Ask me how many fucking times I have to backspace because I stutter my letters or skip words.Ask me how hard it is to commit to an activity, a project, a person. It's hard. I haven't talked to my bestfriend from last year in 3 months. Unless I see that person like everyday it is very difficult to commit to keeping up with them. I have to be really interested in something to commit to it. It's all fucked up, all of it, like my mom is like well you have to have a timer or some special treatment like that and i fucking hate it. Sure it might help me, but like I feel stupid, i feel  like I'm not normal. That's it i guess..........