So I am really confused. I'm always making myself feel better by saying it will all get better, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. But I don't know if I'm still in the tunnel or if I've reached the light. If i have reached the light then I'm disappointed. I'm not fighting with my parents, I'm not grounded, i have no boy problems, and my fried problems aren't problems to me. If the light is peace, then peace is boring...... Even hippies couldn't have possibly been at peace, they were protesting for peace, hey were fighting for it in their hearts so they couldn't have been at peace. Why? Because peace is shit, I mean if this is what peace is. Like there is no purpose. Every day I wake up and my thoughts are: "Ima wear this to remind him what he gave up" or "Ima bring my game face on to show her not to mess with me" or " Let's put on extra makeup in case i meet a cute guy" Things that would provoke something. Things that would cause ripples. Like when you put your finger on the water and it ripples and hits something else. Like that, i can't live my life in still water. all my life, Ive had to cause waves, ripples, tsunamis, something to make people notice me or never forget me. Right now though, i don't feel that need that has become so natural to me. Like I'm thinking too much about it that I don't know what to do. I'm over thinking my natural instinct.
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